Kati Patang

Based on the Reliance advert. that is doing the rounds these days, I am inclined to think that Kites is exactly as the advert. makes it out to be - an storyline hacked together over a vacation starting with lying on a deck chair and seeing kites flying in the sky. Random bits and pieces patched together with an overdose of glitz, glamor and violence to mask the total insipidity that underscores the entire premise, plot and climax.

Original, it is not. I had this strange sense of flashback through out the movie - the scenes and sequence were mercilessly ripped out of various cult/classic/landmark movies. It always seemed as if I had seen this before, but with different faces and different voices. I can't seem to put my finger on all of the cliches but here are the few that come to mind immediately.

The opening part where a severely hurt Hrithik Roshan is rushed to the village doctor who pulls out the bullets in his makeshift OR is a sequence that has be beaten senseless by countless directors - drinking alcohol out of a shot glass, then using the remaining alcohol to sterilize the instruments and finally, dropping the offending blood coated bullet into the glass again. The first thing it reminds me of is the Bourne Identity - of course that happens out at sea, but the idea is the same (I wouldn't be surprised if that, too, was flicked from elsewhere).

When Hrithik sees Barbara Mori, underwater is another one. The earliest instance of such underwater imagery I can remember is from the Silk Route video - Dooba dooba (which I may add is one of my fave songs ever). The latest, barring Kites, I can remember is Blue. Now if you draw inspiration from a movie like that, it speaks volumes about desperation notwithstanding Lara Dutta.

The flashback in the apartment when he comes to find here smacks of Anurag Kashyap's DevD - bright red lighting and wide open eyes. And this was a sentiment that was equally shared by anddeep and anti-social butterfly. This is just one, and I am sure if I have the testicular fortitude to sit through the damn thing another time, I can find countless others.

The standoff and the shooting that follows in the rain when Hrithik comes back to look for Barbara is bang out of Sin City - there is little else that can be the way Frank Miller thinks and Robert Rodriguez executes. Dark nights, heavy rain and minimal lighting that throws people's profiles into stark contrast against the black. Strategically placed and colored neon signs to streak the character the right color. Another movie that heavily used this in recent times was Kaminey - the part where they find the drugs and then head to the trailer where Fahid[sic!] Kapoor lives.

This last one might seem a little bit of a stage two connect, but the climax simply reminds me of Gladiator. I don't know if I am being rude to Russel Crowe or extremely kind to Hrithik Roshan - just before he jumps off the cliff the look on his face reminds me of the faraway longing look on Maximus' face before he dies in the middle of the Colosseum.

All in all, it's a lousy movie filled with a lot of pointless things, fake accents and exploding cars. The cheap rip-offs leave you thinking about all the other awesome movies that they were ripped off from, rather than Kites itself. Anurag Basu - sincere advice - Vegas, Kangana almost doing a wardrobe malfunction and lots of Spanish cannot make a weak plot interesting. And just because Hrithik can dance does not mean his primary profession is that of a dance-teacher (though I know for a fact that women are impressed by guys who can dance and dance class is an excellent way to find a girlfriend) - he could have just as well been a photographer or a guitar teacher or a hairdresser.

Kites is best avoided unless you want to moon over Barbara Mori who seems to be one saving grace in the movie. She is beautiful and breathtakingly so - plain, simple and sweet. Just like the girl you always hoped you would meet on the bus or in the Metro. I am in love with yet another woman I'll never meet. Hrithik's physique makes you feel like a slob. Next to Steve Reeves, this man's poster will be among the posters in my gym (if I ever get around to having one). I have yet again promised to myself to run in the morning - it's been two days since seeing the movie and I am yet to make good on that one. The cinematography is good and mostly strong - except when there are closeups of faces and half the face is outside the frame. I am inclined to give the cinematographer the benefit of doubt and blame it on the editing and the screen that I watched it on. I just hope it can float around long enough to break even, though God and everyone else knows that it sucks!