Unite against philistines

Here is an excellent plan to get rid of philistines and the various varieties of _123s in an elegant manner. But first, some background...

A typical _123 or philistine does not know it is a _123 or philistine. It thinks it is a cool, suave and natty specimen put on the face of the earth by the Almighty to pleasure women. It also does not possess a brain and is not a sentient being. Though this has been proven time and again, the _123 or the philistine does not register this fact - simply because of the absence of thought.

The easiest way to please a philistine is to fuel its ego - for, once this is done, it will bend to your command. This is exactly how most women successfully use it as a large and, most often, affluent toy which is occasionally used to derive (but unknown to the philistine, this is just a carrot and stick (pun intended) ploy employed by the woman) carnal pleasure.

A simple way to get it to perform a task is to make the task look 'cool' - anything that might potentially add to its already over-bloated ego is acceptable to the philistine. The other way is to make it seem foolish - the classic "What-you-did-not-know-that-Britney-Spears-is-a-Nobel-Peace-Prize-winner" method. The second method is what I prefer and that is what this plan is based on.

A _123 or philistine needs to be slowly led to believe that you are its friend and a nerdy friend at that. This isn't too hard to do - send stupid sms/email forwards with flaccid jokes ( to become good friend) and watch a re-run of a KBC episode with it and get all the answers to the question that SRK asks right (yes, it still thinks KBC 2 is latest).

Once you have reached this state, move on to phase two. Constantly emphasize the fact that a particular activity is the absolute epitome of 'cool-ness' -

a. jumping off the second floor and landing on your feet

b. doing a wheelie on the NICE road at 120kmph

c. short-selling means selling a share that is going up and then buying it back at a higher price (Note, this is probably the easiest - the _123/philistine is so fuckin' dumb that chances are it already thinks this is short selling).

Phase 3 involves finding the photo of a hot woman and convincing the _123/philistine that doing the activity (refer to phase 2) in public at a pre-determined time when the woman is around will make her attracted to it. For best results, involve a hot female friend to pretend to like it, but since most of us would not be reading/writing this if we had hot female friends who would conspire with us in such tasks, using a photo of Ursula Andress or Andie McDowell or Kelly Minka is sufficient - the _123/philistine does not know actresses beyond Kareena or Mallika.

Pick a spot and time. Promise to be there but feign fever on the appointed day. Drink beer at home watching TV-9 - because that's the channel which telecasts foolish things that foolish creatures do. It would have either broken both legs, become road-kill on NICE or in jail for defaulting on payments.