Hi,
This is the discussion thread as promised for this. Please use this to discuss major twists and turns with other contributors.
Cheers.
UPDATE: Let's not go into a abstract philosophical plot right away, it's just going to make things complicated. Simply stick to nice clean simple line with maybe a hint of mystery. I am hoping that more people will contribute. If you can put a little post or a link to this blog post on your blogs it would be nicer. Bigger the party, the better.
If I feel a plot is too weird then I will delete it, or rather hide it. I will repost it on the discussion thread so that we can see how it can be made to fit in.
Please number your contributions so that we do not loose track. We have hit 3 so far so, continue from 4 now.
UPDATE : We are on to Chapter 3. Chapter 3 is flashback. We need to sketch out the two characters k and the nameless guy. We need to bring the woman who is proably involved with K into the picture NOW! Give her nice sultry sounding name. Nothing raunchy and all but something that reminds of open blue skies and yellow corn fields. Or whatever!
48 comments:
Nice, not new though. I suggest to dedicate a new blog to this (or It'd be too messy if hopefully the chain gets big enough); in any case change your comment moderation setting for 'non-google/blogger accounts' to post with their own blog ID's(see nangafakir's settings).
...or a new page
We can transport to a new page/blog once it gets more than (say) 25 comments.
Till then let's observe how this is building up.
agree with nakedholy man.
pandu: abstract math likh yaar. bahut arbit ho jayega aur phir public gaali maregi.
Pandu:
There was something in his eyes. Something which tells that he was still not unhappy. He knew it, but there was no time to scream & screech just trying to lament his own pathetic unlamentability the billionth time, even when all that would go undetected.
"I will flush it!...I...", he suddenly realized that everyone in the street was still looking at him. He understood that he needed to be careful, they didn't yet know about 'the letter' though.
"Ruff", he said, "Ruff", again, "Ruff". He was surprising himself way to quickly then he thought he was capable of. Just to make sure, he looked around. Nobody detected, & nobody seized to look at him.
It had all started with 'The Letter'.
Way too early to get in something called 'the letter'. A dog says ruff ruff, and i think he killed the dog. Can you please rework this?
the story has assumed a very dark nature early on.. slow junta
"the story has assumed a very dark nature early on.. slow junta"
With the likes of the naked holy man and the AK contributing with their fascination for dystopia, things can't but get dark. I too am partly responsible for this though.
I know... dark already.
But maybe there will be a streak of sunshine somewhere
tarun: i changed your bit a little since we both posted at the same time.
Not removed anything but added a little bit. wanted to get calcutta into the picture.
everyone: I am maintaining a list of all that will go into the story on my machine. essentially every comment that is posted in the story. So if you see that your bit has been removed, dont worry, it is still there. Just yell here so that we can fit it in wit some modifications.
small thing i noticed is that when you are about the post something and someone else posts then there is confusion.
something we call conflicts in CVS terms.
Here is a small suggestion.
write out your bit in some text file and then open the comments page and copy-paste the bit there and post it...
reduces the chances of conflicts a little bit.
:)
in case you have some kind of adding, merging thing to be done then put the merged version here and then i will remove the requiste bits and post the merged version.
sorry for the trouble. I wish we could use CVS here... :(
Love it... its going awesome. !!!!
It was the same revolting hideousness which would leak into his face in his youth and then consume him as an adult. But now, innocent children whizzed past him, with faces twisted by innocence into smooth blobs. K's nose twitched as he smelt the sick odor of incompetence trailing the whizzing faces of his classmates. Sana was his, he had no doubt that she was going to be his. The rest of the world was too ugly and grim for someone so virginal and pure as Sana.
Shatry rework this. It is too brutal and well... hideous.
have been following the story very keenly
I feel if it has to to go a long way, we need to reduce the intensity, i am not saying kill the flow, why not try some dark humor
I trying hard to match up!!!
Let it continue darkly, when the story takes a turn, where the plot requires we can be sweet. The plot is too young to change. Let things evolve naturally.
My idea is that the story would link up to the Tsubaki company soon. The idea is nice, a company which revolutionized plastic surgery. I propose we make plastic surgery, i.e is changing appearances from ugliness to beauty as one of the themes of the story and then.
Unless we discuss the evolving themes and structure of the story frequently, one won't know what to type. Slow down the pace, there is no hurry. Let us discuss the story every time a subplot concludes.
I am sticking with my view that the story shouldn't abruptly switch into sweet mode. When the plot requires, the story shall become sweeter. I don't see how the story should become sweet. It is a little corny for a story or a movie to stop something dark and suddenly switch to the morning, like in Indian movies, with birds chirping, sun rising and the heroine worshiping the Tusli plant with a towel wrapped around her head.
Young K and the Thug couldn't have been happy children. They were meant to be fucked up from the beginning. The other characters can be sweet. The story of the girl has to be sweet. You can't possibly have a cutey cutey shiny happy story concerning K's childhood.
Loophole- silverine mentioned that our man 'met' K, in ch. 2, Tarun starts with the description of K, but the rest comments have shaped the story in a way that our man is indeed K himself!!! Check the coherency.
Another thing- nangafakir wrote about getting a beautiful face for 50 Rs!!! A couple of 0's more would make it digestible.
Also, I couldn't decipher 'I think that K ain't that intense as he comes out, whadya think'- if it is what my dirty mind thinks, what kind of children they are, and how is Sana pure ;)?
The pace is too fast. Consider http://www.writiki.com/wiki/index.php?title=Main_Page , http://costory.com/index.php?title=Main_Page etc.
I hope the 'stolen generation' reference is clear. It is googlable. The idea is to connect the identity crisis to the revolutionary face transplant techniques.
the statue of stoned angel reminds me of leopolds in shantaram, and nice name Sana...
See what i meant by sweet was that we should go a little easy on the violence.
Pandu: The man and K and not the same. I made sure that wouldn't happen by connecting the derringer. calcutta man gives K the derringer.
Dark humor is very good idea.
Pandu: Stop it dude. Fuck the dogs.We will get more of them later. Why do you want so many dogs man? And please man, don't bring stuff like black bread and mustard sauce. This is not set in the period of the Bolsheviks in some gulag in the Siberian plains. Shillong was nice. The dogs were uncalled for. Removing them.
I dont want dogs in the scence interacting with our folks for at least another couple of chapters.
Subbu, the stage is set, we have about 30 contributions, freeze it at this, collect the story arrange it so that there is a logical flow, and post it as a separate blog. Do this when you get time, or one of us can do it if you want. Put the story on a new blogpost and let the comments on that page continue the story.
I agree, or it will be too random, everybody is busy doing characterizations only.
@Subbu: Tarun wrote about K, 'Like those his former employer, the Tsubaki Corp, made.'- means K and anon. both worked there. And anon. just disappeared after that? Thats plausible but not rich enough. Set some conditions man. Is he S (actually naming him J would produce closer allusion to 'No Smoking'). Invite proposals about the directions here.
I occasionally eat black bread & mustard sauce for my breakfast, also it was just the 2nd dog after comment 2.
To Jammy: "the statue of stoned angel reminds me of leopolds in shantaram, and nice name Sana..."
Its funny you think that. Because the Cuff Parade slum is near the World Trade Centre where Shantaram stayed.
Also, to Pandu:"Tarun wrote about K, 'Like those his former employer, the Tsubaki Corp, made.'- means K and anon. both worked there. And anon. just disappeared after that?"
That was in connection to a storyline by Silverline which says that the Calcutta guy didn't remember where he had met K. And the story is just beginning. And maybe Tsubaki Corp was where they met. And their lines for work were completely different so they could have met in passing.
To the Sha: "like in Indian movies, with birds chirping, sun rising and the heroine worshiping the Tusli plant with a towel wrapped around her head."
This is funny and so apt. I too hope that the story will continue to stay dark. Though what I don't understand is why the story of Sana should be sweet and not bitter. The bitter the better.
And to All: The naked holy man's storyline, "...his otherwise beautiful model IV face." clearly points in the direction of a dystopian science fiction setting. I wish to keep this going. Hence the nanotech firms and the timeline after the redevelopment of Dharavi so the story can seem to be in the not-so-distant future.
To Subbu:
*** Segmentation fault ***
The storyline is becoming a bit arbit. To many descriptions and not enough story. Freeze the comments NOW! Start another post called the Story so far or whatever and we'll start off from there. Let that post be edited for coherent theme, timeline etc...
Okay people based on popular mang i have frozen the story for the rest of the day. I shall be sitting and editing stuff and cleaning it up for errors and grammar and stuff like that over the day as and when I find time.
I think i will move this whole thing to a new blog so that it becomes a little more easier for me to rant about women here.
Will get back with details here or over email by late today night or tomorrow early morn. Hold on to your horses till then.
Subbu,
An idea. Since you are starting a new blog, keep one post for the story and add new posts as and when chapters get completed. Put each of the chapters in a new post, edited to be consistent. Since two chapters are already done, create two new posts for those chapters. This will make it easier for new people to catch on quickly and also a sense of a developing story. There will be visibility beyond the comments section.
If required, I can volunteer for this task.
Nice that the story has frozen
Tarun, when every thing is dark, i think the contrast of sana being sweet is good man
Tarun: good idea. But one slight problem is that it will be in reverse order of reading.
But I think we can put links on the sidebar so that people can read it very quickly.
Whatsay?
I'll clean up stuff and get back to you folks by tonight!
To Subbu: The reverse order won't be much of a problem. Besides Blogger will add the links in the side bar under all posts. We just title the posts as Chapter 1, Chapter 2,...
kex?
wonder why do i see more comments by safari al than visitors here?
burf: primarily since this is where announcements are made. I am sorry if it was too much of trouble for you to read what the text of this post said.
let's call the "thug", the anonymous guy as "the Thug" . at a later point we can compare him to a member of the tribe of "Thuggies" of central India somewhere. and probably give him such a character.
"at a later point we can compare him to a member of the tribe of "Thuggies" of central India somewhere"
ROTFL
No man... he should be part of a gang called porikis!
Oi, where do we post new additions to the story??
Lets start out with chapter 4. Same time period. The previous chapter has ended well.
Subbu, start new post for chapter 4.
done!!!!
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Hey there, just thought i'd stop by and say hi!
Hey there, just thought i'd stop by and say hi!
Hey Loretta, lol.
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