Now a dear and mostly unwashed friend of mine has taken to using me as a whipping boy for populating his blog here. The conversation, I assure you, did not take place, though if it did, it would have pretty much been along the same lines. I suggest you take a look at the comments sections there for a more accurate version of the probable conversation.
And since we still stuck on the topic of V-Day, here is a little observation that I've made. Read this now to figure out what comes next. There is a mention of a woman in this post somewhere near the bottom.
Here's the twist - February 10th, I see this woman on the bus and her hands and fingers are empty and untouched as yet. February 15th - there's a thin shining gold band on the fourth finger of the left hand. You do the math now.
I sure the lucky bum in question loves Himmesh and thinks that Strings is the best band ever. He also affirms that Megadeth is a misspelling of the phrase 'Mga Dth' which is what he messages his buddies and her when he gets humped in an exam.
He is rumored to have asked during his Unix lab why there was no 'C:\>' at the prompt but something like 'guest@localhost.localdomain' or 'bash-2.05#'. It irked him to no end that there was no Windows Explorer and 'dir' did not work at command prompt.
He wonders why William Makepeace Thackeray, about whom some of his 'nerdy' friends talked about, did not come to Raj's rescue.
His abiding dream is to appear one day on Indian Idol or India's hottest. His biggest crib against Coffee Day is that they serve cretin on their menu. Why should anybody want to eat an overpriced rat or a mousse, he demands of the waiter. And that too, from Belgium, which he thinks is not even a country.
'Welcome' and 'Jab we met' make his heart sing for joy. But wait, he has heard of Pink Floyd and Metallica, because all his irritating guitar-totting friends are passionate about it. Five-point someone was awesome but One night @ the call centre was a spritual experience. He dreams that one day he too shall have such a story to write about. After getting placed in XYZ BPO and Support Services - the best job on his campus.
And then, legends have been told of his Orkut About Me. The fact that it had absolutely no vowels was a minor technicality. Ambiguous statements like 'Cnt c' could be mis-interpreted for something politically incorrect and indecent never crossed his mind. 'Vowels are for wimps' is a maxim he lives by.
His favorite topic of conversation with friends is about the lastest offers that Vodafone/Airtel has. Next in list is, of course, a critical comparison of all the 125-cc bikes on the market. DKNY, AIX (oh, yes... it is not A|X or Armani Exchange) and DJ&C are labels he swears by. Dolce and Gabbana is probably the cheesiest imitation of DJ&C - must've been made in Ulhasnagar or something.
Beep...Beep
It's her phone. An SMS. Mind you, it is an SMS not a message.
"I luv u so mch. C u n clg. Mss'n u"
Sigh...I don't think that cozy conversation about Before Sunrise and Before Sunset is ever going to happen.
P.S : That, in retrospect, sounds like a highly loser racist rant. But, heck, it was fun writing it.
15 comments:
Hope that cleared all the J juices out of the systems lol!! Same to same rants in college, when we used to see this dumb gal getting hooked up with this handsome and intelligent guy. Now that we are older and wiser, we prefer to raise our eyebrows and say "Sneer...they deserve each other"
:)
Interesting take. Raise eyebrows and sneer.
Hard fact is that it is unfair.
Yeah J juices almost out. Trouble is that I have to use that bus to get to work. I just hope dumb guy offers to drop her on his 125-cc bike.
Dude Jab We Met is an awesome movie. If I were not the heard hearted Hercules that I am, I would've cried fountains of tears.
If everyone was sophisticated then how would you be special?
@nudeholyman: Hard hearted my toenail of my left foot's tiniest toe! It's an awesome movie my ass! I watched it and it was pathetic. Ten minutes into the movie and I walked out of the room.
@cuppedcrusader: It's not just sophisticated people who use vowels. They are there for everyone to use. He is probably a phi for philistine. And my whole point was why she should have picked me instead of him. :)
Please let me know of an interpretation to "Cnt c" which is not politically incorrect and indecent. I have been thinking about it for two days and still can't find it.
i have been there heard all of that from the man himself, verbatim..
this is a collection special rants from the man....
As i was reading it, more than funny it was a nostalgic trip.. :P
Yak would u agree?
over priced mousse it seemss....
@nanga fakir... he bought a 'Jab we met' DVD
We shall deal with you duffers in order.
@Ra: insert 'a' in the appropriate place along with an apostrophe. Now, since they don't know what vowels are we can safely assume that 'cant' and 'can't' are one and the same. Replace 'a' with 'u'.
@littlekoreansquirt: I have heard a lot of things from you as well - ding ding ding ding. Ring a bell??? And yes, I thought 50 bucks was a little too steep for the mousee at CCD. You get much more of the stuff at Corner House at a slightly more reasonable price.
And that DVD of Jab we met was for my sister. I still haven't seen that movie completely. Only bits and snatches as my sister watched it some twenty times. But, then that doesn't mean that the movie is good.
@ subbu, mongol:this one reminds of those infinitely long sessions we had in the august presence of umax, sha, cj, jam,ra and the likes.
dude this is the best fucking thing you have written ever! bloody brilliant!
sha...he thinks Belgaum doesnt make chocolate.
Belgaum make women who score perfect ten on shooting with rifles and also boast of a 9+ CGPA. Unfortunately, they are the ones who fall head over heels in love with the wrong people.
All the same it is good gossip.
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